5 Months Later

I thought I would do a quick update because I know I would be curious if I had been following this journey.  It has taken me 5 months to brave the blog again.  I am sure it would not be a shock to anyone that we have struggled with the loss of the baby and the loss of Andrea as our surrogate.  The baby would have been due in a little over 4 weeks now and it has been on my mind quite a bit.  When it comes to fertility and surrogacy it can be really confusing and really emotional trying to figure out what is next.  Even if you know what you want, it can be completely out of your hands, which is definitely the worst!!!  We have been actively pursuing another surrogate for about 3 months and it hasn't happened.  There are so many couples who are as desperate as we are and most aren't as lucky as we are to have children already.  We have always gone in to this knowing that we aren't going to be the first choice for a surrogate and that is so completely understandable.  Every time I get down about this whole adventure, I look at my kids and know how lucky we are.  I also love being a part of this community because I get to be a cheerleader for those other deserving couples who are also going through this emotional roller coaster.  Seriously, seeing these couples become a family because of someone who so unselfishly carries a baby for them is such a miracle and so exciting!!  

So, we haven't given up, we have these 7 embryos frozen for the right time, but maybe it won't happen.  I am sure we will know when that time will come, but I am not quite ready to give up hope.  We always said that once our journey was over, we would donate our embryos for another family that may want them, but that has been a tougher thought for me if we never get to use them.  I am sure that whatever happens, it will be the right thing.  

We are also going to a meeting tomorrow to learn about foster care and maybe taking a child in to our home with that route.  The likelyhood of adoption with foster care is not very good, but if in the time of waiting we can give love to child who so desperately needs it, we can do that.  We have also been preparing paperwork for adoption.  So we do have lots of options, but they are all tough and all have complications and all are not guaranteed.  Its tough.  I know so many of you have struggled with fertility and know this pain, thank you for being so good to us and supporting us through this.

We will continue to cross our fingers and toes that our family will grow, but in the end, we are happy, healthy and a family that loves each other.  What else could you ask for?